7.31.2007

Inbox


Over the last 24 hours these are the emails I've received from my college buddies. We like to let Jacob go on rants as often as possible and always give him topics. What follows is one of the better ones we've had. Enjoy!


Tex,

How do you feel about the death of Ingmar Bergman and everyone in the media calling him "the most influencial filmaker of the last X years?" or better yet "He was probably the greatest film artist, all things considered, since the invention of the motion picture camera" - Woody Allen
- DiBs


I have two complaints. I will address them seperately.
#1 What do I care what woody allen thinks. Annie Hall was all right. What else you got? seriously. This from a man who could have said "Sex with my 13 year old Asian Cousin is, all things considered, the best sex since the original precreation of the species." *
*not actually said, but inferred from actions
#2 Ingmar Bergman was good. Not as good as the love he will get since hes now dead. (btw woody allen said that a couple of years ago, so its dumb but at least its not "hes dead now" revisionism)
He was a good photographer. Probably a great photographer who translated his works nicely to motion pictures. He's the father of the foreign film that makes you go "what?"
Seriously, think Eddie Izzard in Dress to Kill reinacting all British movies: "Sebastion what are you doing? I'm just arranging matches"
Any movie that can have 8 minutes of two characters and no dialogue is not GREAT! It might be good, but anyone can do that now. I admit I have only seen Cries and Whispers and clips from Persona and the seventh Seal. So what do I know. I just hate that when someone dies he is all the sudden the greatest thing ever. Kirby Puckett syndrome.
Seriously, people were even feeling sorta bad about Saddam Freaking Hussein--Mass Murdering BAstard!!!
He's no Michael Bay!
Fabula Fabula fabula, Syuzhet!
Jacob "seriously, give me Wim Wenders anyday" VandeMoortel


The Kirby Puckett thing is pretty ignorant Jacob. He was a great player and a great ambassador to the game. Are you saying he wasn’t a hall of famer before he died?
Either way it is pretty shallow and I would expect more from you. How do you think his kids feel. I don’t mind making people seem a “little greater” when they die….it is the least we could do.
“A legend in our hearts forever” -- Myself on Dale Earnheardt.
Jacob…you would learn from that quote
Anybody want to go watch the Phillies beat the Brewers on August 5th? Cheaps seats and we could root against the Brewers
Mitch


I left Jacob out of this e-mail…but everyone respond with something bashing him for ripping on Puckett…make it real cheezy to….it will get an even better rant


How could you blind side a dead person like that. It’s just terrible. Next thing you know DiBari will be sending you a rant request about them making an Alvin and the Chipmunks live action movie and you’ll go on a tangent trying to explain how Alvin and the Chipmunks are a myth just like the holocaust.
Brett


Jacob,
Woody Allen is a genius. His old stand-up was amazing, his comedic writing is phenomenal, and he had at least 6 good movies that I've seen 2 of which are great! And he did not sleep with his 13 year old Asian cousin, he slept with and married, his ex girlfriends 22 year old adopted daughter. Big difference. He is not Jerry Lee Lewis, "Goodness Gracious Great Balls in my 13 year old first cousin!!!!!"
Secondly, I don't like movies that make me say "what!?" I like movies that make me say "Huh?" or "AHH!" or even "Why?", but "what!?" That just means the movie made no sense, Huh? means, it was smart and I must have missed something of i am just not learned enough for it. Almost like a Dennis Miller bit, the creator of Huh? comedy. I love Eddie Izzard, but I do not put him in as a "Huh" comic, he is a Monty Python descendant and is a carrier of the British Silly "ehh?" comedy, along the lines of the late great Benny Hill. And arguably the best at it ever, it starts from his look and goes from there. Not to be confused with the Ricky Gervais "(silence)" British comedy, that he is the purveying master.
Thirdly, its not the Kirby Puckett Sydnrom. He died a fat, blind, adulter, wife/mistress beater, but with a great smile. I prefer it as the Nicole Brown-Simpson Syndrom. She was an uppty cunt, that took her successful husbands money and children, and used it to fuck her way around Hollywood and get fame. BUT since her head was chopped off, she was a poor nice lady.
Lastly, Saddam Hussien was a poor bastard. He was taken from a place of power and money, where his voice was law. He kept peace over 3 warring peoples through an iron fist, but he kept peace. I know some of the people are happy he is gone, but I gaurentee he had a higher approval rating than our current President. As much as I love freedom, for some people, they don't want it, and it is not bred into them. It took over 3 hundred years for the French and British to come to understand and accept freedom, and it took America, a country founded on "freedom", almost 2 hundred years to accept it for all people. Why would they accept it overnight? It is something that has to be engrained into the people, IE Russia and the eastern block.
How does this sound - "you are free, now do as your told, and have elections, and freedom of relegion, and eqaul sexes, and..."
Does that sound free?
But we are not going to gas hundred of thousands of people to protect the millions, instead, you need to just accept each other.
So when we feel bad for Hussien, its more of a feeling for his people and the fact he kept the peace and economy (oil) running. Plus, he really liked Doritos and MTV, just like us!
- DiBs


Alright, first off the Kirby Puckett anaology was not only the wrong analogy but awfully distasteful. I mean the man's dead for goodness sake, show him some respect. The analogy of Nicole Brown Simpson was much better. Also a better analogy would be Dan Marino, Barry Sanders, Ted Williams Ernie Banks, Ryne Sandburg, none of which won a Championship and the latter 2 would be completely obvious to you I would think. Bergman never won an Oscar but was nominated 4 times. Obviously a better sports comparison than Kirby Puckett which again just was a crude comment to such a legendary figure.
J-Elder


What do Kirby Puckett and my penis have in common? THEY ARE/WERE ONE EYED
MONSTERS!!!
Scott


No.
Ingmar Bergman is not like Ryne Sandberg or Ernie Banks. Ingmar Bergman was a Hollywood outsider. He was never much expected to win an oscar despite his nominations. Martin Scorcese not winning one was unheard of. Ingmar Bergman not winning one is maybe wrong but it is rather expected. I mean Maria Full of Grace from Journeyman Productions based out of the QC got a bloody nomination (Best Actress:Catalina Sandino Moreno 2004) On second thought, the Cubs were never expected to win much of anyhing either (except maybe in '69--which disqualifies Ernie Banks).
Also, might I point out that I didn't say Ingmar Bergman was experiencing Kirby Puckett Syndrome. I was pointing out that Woody Allen said all his superlatives years ago before Bergman was dead. So it was NOT KPS!
Furthermore, please don't feign moral indignation at my calling out of Kirby Puckett. Kirby Puckett syndrome-as I see it- is when someone who was really good--maybe truly great (and he might have been--but not one of the ten or 20 best of all time!)--dies and instantly becomes one of the all time greats and everyone overlooks all the things that weren't so good.
Kirby Puckett had many things that weren't so good. Baseball-wise, he was pretty solid. He was the inverse of Ichiro--super hitting but more HR's and less SB's. He was a Hall of Famer and deservedly so.
But he had his Demons. I reference Sports Illustrated March 11th, 2003:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/baseball/news/2003/03/11/si_puckett/

Domestic Distrubance: not abuse--just disturbance
"Alleged" Sexual Abuse
Public Lewdness
Drunkeness

Everyone has the common sense to admit that Ty Cobb was one of the greatest hitters to ever live but he was a flippin' bastard.
Kirby Puckett seemed to be a great guy while playing. Afterwards, he fell apart. I don't say we need to skewer the guy, just be honest about it. He didn't exactly put the Saint in St. Paul. When he died--unexpectedly and young (just the way a 24 hour news network likes it!)--everyone was all atwitter about how wonderful he was and what a great man and baseball player.
Full Disclosure Please!
In death, remember the good. But if an asterisk is needed, use it.
Those who are acting offended by the KPS reference remind me of Tom Delay or Newt Gingrich acting outraged and indignant at Bill Clinton or some other such bunch of "Moral High Horsers."
I'm not anti Kirby Puckett. But I want you to know I wasn't just tossing around names carelessly. I knew what I said and I stand by it.
I'm a bastard.
Goodnight
-jv


Jacob….haven’t you been guilty of all these crimes at one time???

Domestic Distrubance: not abuse--just disturbance – After Lewis wedding when you were so wasted….you started throwing up and bumbling around naked…AJ and I tried to help you get dressed and gather yourself…and you became violent saying you were going to “kick our ass” and to “leave you the f**k alone or you would beat us”

"Alleged" Sexual Abuse – Wearing a thong around Forsetti and running around Augie campus. Also all those kittens you took upstairs to “cuddle” with senior year.

Public Lewdness – How many times did you urinate outside on the trash bush???

Drunkeness – Spilling on yourself all the time at Kai’s and “I’m invincible” I think say enough….
Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Leave Kirby alone….and don’t try to bring great legends like Ty Cobb into it either.
Why don’t we just look up a bunch of dirt on Walter Payton??? He’s dead and can’t defend himself
Mitch


"Domestic Disturbance: not abuse--just disturbance
"Alleged" Sexual Abuse
Public Lewdness
Drunkeness"
This is Kirby Puckett's rap sheet? Domestic Disturbance from a man whose fantasy football team name is Domestic Abuse is somewhat contradictive is it not? "Alleged" Sexual Abuse is merely alleged, though quite an allegation nobody has proven this happened. Leaving the first two out of the equation we are left with Public Lewdness and Drunkenness which everyone on this list of email could have been convicted of at some point, or will be the night you wear the confederate flag shirt....It's hard to rip on a guy that really isn't that "tainted" at all.
Ignorant
Justin


I just talked to Jake on the phone. He is still mad we all defended Kirby Puckett. He is saying when he dies, he only wants to be referred as a "good guy who threw up on his birthday and claimed to be invincible"
Dibs


thanks for the laughs guys with jake on kirby puckett. keep the rants coming!
AJ


And thus is my Inbox the last 24 hours!

7.23.2007

The Other Harrington


Remember sitting and watching the 2005 WSOP on summer nights back in 05? Everyone had a favorite to watch, whether it was Phil Ivey, Johnny Chan, Moneymaker, etc. Mine was Dan Harrington, not sure why but it just was. He had the characteristic of normal guy playing professional poker. Well yesterday his brother won the British Open. It was actually an incredible win given that he basically choked going into 18 and rebounded during the playoff to beat Sergio Garcia. As much as I love golf I had an aching feeling that this moment would have been so much better in mind if Tiger had been in the picture. There are always stats that show how events get some so many more viewers if Tiger is within a couple strokes of the lead, and I always figured that these are just fairweather fans, but yesterday I felt like one of them. I would have been on the edge of my seat expecting miiracle shots out of nowhere, errant drives that found the Burn but a brilliant recovery and amazing putt for birdie. Sure the tournament was exciting, but was t really great, eh.. This got me thinking about the ESPN "Who's Now" and I think out of any sport Tiger is the most "Now" He makes me want to sit in front of my TV for 5 hours and watch golf. Point is, good just Padraig...

6.29.2007

2007 NBA Drafta-ganza

I tried to format this...gchat doesn't translate to blogger. Their both Google, dammit, it should work. But now I can be done with this and move on to other things.

The following are heavily researched thoughts and opinions of 2 NBA draft-niks. Prepare yourselves.

JT: Music choice: “It Ends Tonight” by the All-American rejects. Interesting decision for a group of young men getting ready to begin their NBA careers. It’s a paradox, to say the least.
JT: Don’t worry, Dickie V. is rocking the fully buttoned Polo, as per usual. And he just compared Oden to Ewing, Mourning, Duncan and Hakeem. So if he isn’t a 12-time MVP, disappointment.
JT: Bilas just called Durant a “scoring savant”. I’ve never heard the word savant used after anything but “idiot.” I’ll trust Jay that he meant it in a good way.

Stuart Scott interviewing KD
JT: stu scott keeping it surprisingly toned down
JE: awkward moment between stu and durant
Camera on Joa-Quim

oh my gosh!!!
JT: lol

OH SHIT
JE: WHAT is HE WEARING
JT: HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

BOWTIE!!!!!
JT: SalPal sighting! surprise surprise...he's in philly
most exciting thing is seeing how the 76ers will try to match the Kevin Kolb genius
JE: and later, he'll be shown with Lakers uniforms

ahhh
or not
that's jim gray
JT: Jim Grey

he's uber-gay for the Lakers
JT
: Brewer's 'stache is epic
JE: i still can't believe Noah

JT: Spencer Hawes lucks like a huge womanJE: that was some moment right there

lol, he is a huge woman
JT: Thornton looks like a cold-blooded killer

JE: and we need 14 guys to select greg oden
high five!!!
JT: we win!!!

JT: give it to me stephen
don't let me down
JE: what the F
JT: I expect something ridiculous every time he opens his mouth. His cadence is ridiciulous. I think he needs a speech therapist.
Durant goes to Seattle #2
JE
: and boom goes the dynamite
JT: there better be some large black women showing more emotion than that tonight

Greg Oden Highlights
JT: ...don't show Iowa, don't show Iowa
And Joey Dorsey getting faced
Celtics-Sonics Trade Announced
JT
: trade!!!
JE: nice!!!
JT: FUCK YEAHHH

JE: yes

wow, sonics getting freaking good
and celts
yikes
JT: oh God, if they leave i'm gonna actual care

JE: who are they taking at fivE?
JT: give it to meeeeeeeeeee

jeff green, if he's there
hell yes.
JT: Brewer lookin' sharp
JE: he does

looking really good
JT: easy there, tiger

JE: <----- blush


after the Sonics-Celts discussion

JT
SAS bashing Boston
can't wait to hear the SG stance
pierce might finally stop bitching?
so seattle will start 2 rookies?

hopefully collison will still start

so delonte west is a PG, maybe the sonics will trade ridnour for the #11

Justin: interesting

me: that would be AWESOME!!

Justin: that could be

me: then they get Ju

Justin: that would be awesome

me: sweet Jesus, 'im getting moist

5:01 PM commercial = beer

Justin: seriously, i wish i had flown out

we could be pounding beer and jager

it'd be a wonderfully crazy night

and an ugly morning

5:02 PM me: God yes

me: cool to see Horford w/the fist pump

chinese guy to milwaukee

chinese guy to milwaukee

chinese guy to milwaukee

chinese guy to milwaukee

please.

Justin: damn

5:04 PM me: YES

can we please get a mini-series on that?!?

Milwauk-Yi

Justin: lol

me: i mean, it has to happen

Justin: that was good

me: eating brats, drinking beer, meeting brett favre

Justin: what?

did you hear that

me: oh jeezus

5:05 PM Justin: yi is new school, he's hip hop, he's fifty cent

me: Yi Jianlan = 50 Cent

Justin: at least say fiddy

me: that's great..."he fits milwaukee, but he's gonna hate it"

me: SAS adds nothing

Justin: never

me: he did use circumvent correctly

that was impressive

me: noah goes from #1 to #3 from his school

5:12 PM is that the short person?

behind him?

Justin: was he leading him toward the stage?

me: yeah

me: it might've been a she

Justin: lol

yikes

Me: seriously IT ENDS TONIGHT!?!?

could that make any less sense

?

Justin: SHIT

we're getting jo-kim

this Fing sucks

me: i'm praying right now

Justin: damn it

damn it

damn it

damn it

me: i mean, he'll be fun to watch

Justin: you're praying and I'm cursing

me: i thought when you said Shit, it was hawes

"white GF?

or is that his mom?

Justin: his mom's white

dunno

i think that's his mom

me: is it weird that i've 2ce confused moms for GFs?

me: "now a scuplter"?

that's classic

5:26 PM meaning, she doesn't do shit, but wait for her son to make a shit-ton of money

that suit is freaking sweet

Justin: well his dad was a tennis star

me: seersucker is awesome

Justin: they're doing ok

me: eh, it was the 70s/80s, probably blew it all on coke

5:27 PM Justin: lol

good point

me: 6.5 rebounds?

what

HE'S 7-0!!!

Justin: serious

Ho wthe shit does that happen
so white
i have no idea how that team was so terrible

me: 1st guy who's strentgh was a positive
he lit up UW early in the season
he doesn't "guard his own man"? who does he guard?
i don't get it
"
Eastern Washington was the school I had to go to"...must have loved school

Justin:ohohohoh
here we go
WHAT!
me: come on!!!!
Justin: ahhh
me: WHAT
HOLY SHIT
Justin: nice
wow
isaiah
interesting
me: hahaha
Justin: can they put that up again
david lee standing and clapping is awesome
6:15 PM me: serious
so channing and dickau to portland?
dude, zrandolph's getting arrrested by September
SA's head is going to explode
yeah, i don't get why portland wants stevie? maybe he'll be alive w/some young talent
6:16 PM nets getting booed
Justin: ehhh
yikes
me: WOW
i think that surprises me

me: combination of vinny del negro and brent barry?!?!?!?!!?
that's a good thing
Justin: so did carlos arrojo
me: sounds like the f'ing kiss of death
especially from a guy who got fired by St. John's

6:39 PM me: jim grey sitting eerily close to kupchak
6:40 PM Justin: if only ric bucher were with them
me: little menage
SA: looks like he was ready to cry

me: per Rod Thorn: Sean Williams has a brain.

Justin: seriously, why pick afflalo and stuckey
me: offense/defense
Justin: ouch, lit up brandon rush
me: FUKC YOU BILAS
Justin: lol
me: that game made me sick
talk about how he ABSOLUTELY disappeared against florida
Justin: just did
me: thank you
Justin: wow
me: i win
Justin: yes you do

THIS ENDS TONIGHT!!!
unless i didn't sign an agent b/c i thought i'd be in the 2nd round, and i'm going back to college to work on my upside
then IT ENDS NEXT YEAR
me: or, it's really just beginning.
i'm sure none of these kids are thinking about what's ending.
rather, "give me my money, bitches!!!"



And boom goes the dynamite.

6.23.2007

2Man List: Player Moves that Never Should've Happened

Since there are a grand total of 2 of us who post this, instead of doing a JRS mock draft, it's only a two-man list. So here we go:

1. Ken Griffey, Jr. stays with the Mariners
The kid gets to play in a beautiful new park, in the much healthier PacNW (Cincy, really?), without the harsh turf. He stays healthy, and is the man we're talking about breaking Hank's record this year, and nobody would give a shit about Barry Bonds.

6.19.2007

Dear Mr. Paxson


In a valiant effort to get a hold of John Paxson I tried to email him to five different email accounts including: j.paxson@chicagobulls.com; john_paxson@chicagobulls.com, etc. Here's the email in case he doesn't get it but wanders across our blog while googling his own name!

Dear Mr. Paxson


I'm sure you get tons of email from fans wanting to be GM's and everywhere you go people telling you thoughts on what to do. Honestly, I guess I'm no different. I'm a huge sports fan, which includes of course the Bulls given that I grew up in Naperville and watched you play my whole childhood. I've spent numerous hours on the ESPN trade machine trying to get a low post player. I thought about emailing you my top ten list of trades, but you don't have time for that, so here's my number one trade possibility. Ben Gordon, PJ Brown, Chris Duhon (you could throw in Adrian Griffin or Nocioni as well to have more cap room/more players depending on Portland's demands) for Zach Randolph. You are able to keep the #9 pick which I trust you will use wisely. Although I would love an email back I know that may be relatively impossible. Thanks for reading, and if you're ever in need of a stats guy or trade guru, feel free to email me, I'd love to help the organization. Thanks again.

Justin Elder


And in case any other GM in any other sport notices this post, I'd love a job in your organization.

6.15.2007

"Cool, we won the NBA title again. I'm so excited. This experience is so...exciting, I mean, this group of guys is really exiting, and this year has definitely been the most exciting of my career. I just can't say how excited I am to win my 4th title in 8 years. Just exciting."

We feel you, Tim. We really, really feel you.

5.31.2007

Lottery Mock Draft


Okay, our next Jim Rome's Silence Mock Draft will be a mock lottery. Here are the rules: You must follow the original order of the draft, however you can put in possible trades that are reasonable. No Tim Duncan to Chicago for the #9 pick trades. Other than that, you can pick any player for any team, meaning you can give the Grizzlies joakim Noah at #4 if you really want to and it's your turn. Since we don't have too many contributors to the blog, we'll say you can't make back-to-back picks just alternating.

And with the first pick of the 2007 Jim Rome's Silence Mock Lottery Draft, the Portland Trailblazers select Greg Oden.

1. Portland: Greg Oden (Justin)

First Trade of the Draft!!! Here's the breakdown (salary cap non-withstanding):
Lakers Get: #2 Pick, Tyrus Thomas, Ben Gordon
Bulls Get: Kevin Garnett, Ricky Davis, Andrew Bynum
Pacers Get: #9 Pick, Andres Nocioni
Sonics Get: Kobe MF'in Bryant
Timberwolves Get: Rashard Lewis, Jermaine O'Neal

2. LAL: Kevin Durant

Second Trade of the Draft!
Knicks Get: Vince Carter and Zaza Pachulia
Hawks Get: Zach Randolph and Nate Robinson, David Lee
Trail Blazers Get: #3 Pick, Tyron Lue
Nets Get: Josh Childress, Quentin Richardson, LaMarcus Aldridge

3. Portland - Al Horford

4. Memphis - Corey Brewer
The Grizzzzz play it safe, and get somebody better than Dahntay Jones (Dahntay Jones?!?!) to play the 2. Surprisingly, they don't take their 2nd foreign center and match some enormous Chinese guy w/Paul Gasol. The Celts are up next, God knows what they're going to do.

5. Boston - Yi Jianlian
I really wanted to give Boston Joakim Noah just to give Bill Simmons a heart attack and make it three Gators in a row. I also wanted to get Orlando to this pick so Donavon could get his favorite athlete ever (that may happen later). Yi has had some good workouts lately and his stock is rising, but is he the next Wang Zhizhi?

Third Trade of the Draft!
Bucks Get: Richard Jefferson, #17
Nets Get: #6, Brian Skinner

6. New Jersey - Brendan Wright
He's from UNC...I don't really care. Upside, blah blah blah. I'm sure JKidd will make him look good. Where will Vinsanity go now that the big3 are blown up? (Vince is actually already in New York...)

7. Minnesota - Mike Conley Jr.
First, this draft is too good for Minnesota and that's why it will never happen with Kevin McHale up there. Minnesota's team looks drastically different and so much better after this draft. Their before linup: Mike James, Ricky Davis, Trenton Hassell, Kevin Garnett, Mark Blount. Their after lineup: Mike Conley Jr, Randy Foye (great player, would start here when Ricky Davis leaves), Rashard Lewis, Jermaine O'Neal, Mark Blount. If they can add another big guy during free agency they would be contenders in the West again.

Trade #4!!
Charlotte gets: Rasheed Wallace + Nazr Mohammed
Detroit Gets: #8 Pick + Gerald Wallace

8. Detroit - Tiago Splitter
Charlotte takes advantage of Detroit's playoff implosion, while the Pistons get rid of the insane 'Sheed and choose another Euro player (one of these guys is going to pan out right? Darko, Delfino, now Tiago). Detroit gets some youthful size to move around a bit, while trying to keep Rip + Mr. Big Shot (really, that's his nickname???)

9. Indiana - Spencer Hawes
What may have been the easiest pick in the draft. With Jermaine O'Neal gone, the Pacers need someone down low who can score. This lets Troy Murphy go back to being a PF which should help and with the joining of Nocioni, Mike Dunleavy can go back to playing the 3 (What?? Mike Dunleavy was playing the 2 in a Pacer uniform??? Seriously? According to their depth chart he was...ouch).

Another Trade!! Sweet Lord this is a crazy Draft?
Sacramento Gets: Boris Diaw, Phoenix's #29 + #59 Picks
Phoenix Gets: #10 Pick, Ron Artest

10. Phoenix - Julian Wright
Thank God Julian doesn't go to Sacramento, Atlanta, or any other terrible team. The Kings unload their own nutjob, Artest (and his $$), and add some opportunities to rebuild around Kevin Martin (really?) and his flattop (really?)

11. Atlanta - Acie Law IV
It may be too early to go with Law, especially with Jeff Green on the board (he must be shwoing his Brady Quinn face with this pick) but the Hawks need a PG because they passed up on Chris Paul and Deron Williams two years ago. They cannot afford to pass up on Mr. Clutch. This pick also allows the Hawks to be contenders in the weak Southeast. Their 2007-2008 lineup: Acie Law, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Marvin Williams, Zach Randolph.

12. Philadelphia
As the pick is about to be announced, Billy King looks especially pleased with himself, especially excited to get the player he's been dreaming about for the last 4 months, kid with local connections, kid who can be a go-to-guy, kid Billy can't believed slipped that far. Here comes the announcement.
"With the twelfth pick in the 2007 NBA draft, the Philadelphia 76ers select.....Roy Hibbert of Georgetown."
Horrified, a team exec informs Billy of the news that last month, Hibbert withdrew from the draft. Shocked and confused, Billy pulls his best Tim Duncan face and shrieks for Stern's help. After a few moments of deliberation between Stern and the rest of the NBA's GM's, they decide to have mercy on the inept Billy. Frantically, Billy stops thinking and just chooses Hibbert's teammate, Jeff Green.

13. New Orleans - Al Thornton
Chris Paul desperately needs a scorer since David West led the Hornets this past year. Thornton showed some promise against Kentucky and Florida this year. Scoring big in big games is a bonus and shows great "potential" and "upsdie". If Noah is truly a guy like Battier where he plays in postion and knows how to play the game/rebound/play defense, then he would be a steal here. However, if he's more like the Noah during and after the Championship game, then he should drop to the 2nd round. Either way, New Orleans needs a scorer, which is why they select Big Al.

Thus concludes the 2007 Jim Rome's Silence Mock Lottery.

rosters affected by this years lottery (starting lineups only)
Portland: G.Oden, A.Horford, I.Udoka, B.Roy, J.Jack (+T.Lue)
LA Lakers: K.Brown, L.Odom, K.Durant, B.Gordon, J.Farmar (+T.Thomas)
Chicago: B.Wallace, K.Garnett, L.Deng, R.Davis, K.Heinrich (+A.Bynum)
Indiana: S.Hawes, D.Granger, A.Nocioni, M.Dunleavy, J.Tinsley
Seattle: R.Swift, N.Collison, K.Bryant, R.Allen, L.Ridenour
Minnesota: J.O'Neal, C.Smith, R.Lewis, R.Foye, M.Conley
New York: E.Curry, C.Frye, R.Balkman, V.Carter, S.Marbury (+Z.Pachulia)
Atlanta: Z.Randolph, M.Williams, J.Smith, J.Johnson, A.LawIII (+D.Lee, N.Robinson)
New Jersey: L.Aldridge, M.Moore, B.Wright, Q.Richardson, J.Kidd (+J.Childress, B.Skinner)
Memphis: P.Gasol, S.Swift, C.Brewer., D.Jones., D.Stoudamire
Boston: Y.Jianlan, A.Jefferson., W.Sczerbiak, P.Pierce., D.West
Milwaukee: A.Bogut, C.Villanueva, R.Jefferson, M.Redd, M.Williams (+#17 Pick)
Charlotte: N.Mohammed, R.Wallace, E.Okafor, M.Carroll, R.Felton
Detroit: T.Splitter, C.Webber, G.Wallace, R.Hamilton, C.Billups
Sacramento: B.Miller, K.Thomas, B.Diaw, K.Martin, M.Bibby (+#29, #59 Picks)
Phoenix: A.Stoudamire, S.Marion, J.Wright, R.Artest, S.Nash
Philadelphia: S.Dalembert, J.Green, A.Igoudala, A.Miller, K.Ollie